Training for Satan's 5K

When I was in 6th grade I decided I had had enough of our physical fitness tests in school. I devised a plan to get me out of our spring half mile run that proved to be successful. I knew that if I could come up with a reason to go to the doctor that I could manipulate my mother into making the appointment during gym class on the day of the infamous 800 without her suspecting anything. I wasn't going to fake an illness; that would be too hard to pull off.  I knew my abilities and limits. I have been cursed with ingrown toe nails my entire life, compliments of my father's genetics, and that was my in.  My dad had just had one removed at the doctor and I was going to follow his medical example. Our gym teacher gave us a week or so notice for when the big event would be and then I artfully waited until two or three days before then to tell my mom that I HAD to go to the doctor to get my toe nail fixed. She said she would call the next morning. I nonchalantly suggested the day and time that would work best for my overbearing 6th grade schedule and she conformed. When we arrived at the doctor, I was informed that my ingrown toenail wasn't that bad and was sent back on my way.  I didn't care though, because I got out of running at a humiliatingly slow pace with all my classmates and my only punishment was a reprimand for being a drama queen about my toe and a B in PE because I conveniently never had time to stay after school to make up my run. I tell this story to illustrate one important point; I absolutely loath running.

I've tried to get into running a few times during my life because I wanted a runner's physique, but it never stuck. I usually give it a go for a few weeks and then decide that it isn't worth the effort. Imagine my horror when my mission president and his wife announced that we would be running a 5K as a mission the Monday before Thanksgiving. I immediately hated my life. We were given a modified Couch to 5K training schedule and cheerfully told to give it our all and results would follow. Shortly thereafter I dubbed the race Satan's 5K and didn't truly know how fitting that name would prove to be.

From the get go I knew it would be harder than ever to get into running because I couldn't bump my jams while I hit the pavement. In the past I put my ear buds in and turned up some form of teen pop music to a volume just beneath ear drum shattering in order to drown out my heavy breathing. Without upbeat melodies and horribly written, yet alarmingly catchy lyrics in my ears, I was left with only an angry inner diatribe and gasps for air to serenade my run (which is really more like a brisk walk with a bounce). Very quickly, my negative thoughts branched out and multiplied until every morning my work out included a tangled web of self loathing thoughts and lies. Not too long after we started training for our 5K, the destructive ideas started to leak past my half an hour work out and into the hour I got ready as well.

"I hate running because I'm so out of shape," lead to, "I'm never going to get good at this," which usually turned in to, "if I don't get good at running, I'll never be in shape." That line undoubtedly spun in to, "and if I'm never in shape I'll clearly never get married."  From there, my thoughts rapidly escalated to, "if I never get married, I'll be such a disappointment to my family and culture.  And if I never get married I'll never have kids and I'll never fulfill my womanly duty to be a mother. Why am I even on a mission? Maybe we are struggling to find people to teach in this area because I'm not pretty enough. I bet attractive missionaries have more success.  That's the real reason why we have to run this 5K. We're supposed to be getting into better shape so we can be more beautiful and find people to teach. Why is my companion such a fast runner; she is literally a gazelle. A GAZELLE. MAYBE AN ANTELOPE. I DON'T KNOW.  I'm so slow and she has got to hate me for slowing her down. I wish I could just fall on a cactus and break my leg so I wouldn't have to run anymore and be a hindrance to my companion. Why aren't there any cacti on our running route? I would probably be a hindrance to a husband too. I mean, I'm 23 and on a mission. Man, my breathing sounds like an angry walrus gasping for air. Maybe Heavenly Father sent me on a mission as a form of busy work, since I have approximately 60 more years of unmarried life ahead of me. Well, probably only 40 since I'm bad at running so my heart will give out." And on and on an on, for an hour and a half every single morning.

Me when I was angry about running. GRRRRRR.

My companion during her morning run.

Maybe I'm a little dramatic. I know. But c'mon...it was running! Without Selena Gomez!

When it got to the point that I couldn't sleep at night because I was dreading waking up in the morning because I knew I would have to run, and subsequently spend an hour and a half with my own brain, I decided something needed to change.

As missionaries, we reference the scripture Ether 12:27 frequently. It reads, 

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their 

weakness [RUNNING].  I give unto men weakness that 

they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all 

men that humble themselves before me; for if they 

humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, 

then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

(emphasis and angry color choice added)

Running is definitely a weakness of mine, but I realized that my bigger weaknesses were pride and doubt. I felt that running was such a trivial thing that I couldn't pray and ask for help because Heavenly Father didn't want to hear about my physical activity woes. After I humbled myself and knew that the only way I was going to get myself out of bed morning after morning was with a lot of divine help, I went to my knees and my thoughts changed. Did I really believe that I'll never get married? No. But it is still my biggest fear, and Satan plays on our fears. When I acknowledged that I was allowing Satan to be my running partner every morning it made it far easier to change my attitude and perspective. The only true statement in my angry stream of consciousness was that my companion is literally a gazelle. I can get in shape in a thousand different ways that aren't running. I can get married without being a model (or a gazelle). I will have children at some point in eternity, because I have been promised that. I don't really want to break my leg; that would be awful. I will most likely live beyond the age of 63. Most importantly, Heavenly Father didn't call me on a mission to kill time while he came up with something else for me to do. We're never asked to do something to just occupy our time.

I was so upset at myself for letting Satan rule my thoughts and guide the opinions I had of myself. I should have known better than to let him diminish my self worth and divine nature. But that's why he's so good at what he does, he's sneaky. With a lot of prayer and a conscious effort to think of happy (or at least neutral) things while I ran, my weaknesses became stronger. When I can't think of anything positive while I'm running, I count. It's not necessarily uplifting, but it keeps my mind occupied, and eventually I find that my mind has wandered somewhere else more positive. I often think about what Heavenly Father or Jesus Christ would tell me if they were running beside me. I'm sure they wouldn't judge my slow progress, in fact, they would likely commend me for building myself up to the point that I can almost run a mile without stopping. As I pray each night and in the morning I ask for the strength to push myself a little harder and for the mental endurance to keep my thoughts positive. AND IT WORKS. Every single day that I depend on the Lord, He makes it possible for me to do something I hate. More impressive than my running triumphs, is the progress I've made in turning my doubt to faith and my pride to humility.

I can testify that the Lord will truly help us along our paths if we seek His assistance. We can expect immediate assistance and gradual growth. 

Maybe I will look like this down the road when I am 100% better at running. Except I would never wear a red head band with a pink sweater. So maybe that will just be my running aura.

6 Ways To Up Your Member Missionary Game

Before I became a missionary I had a skewed perception of what the job entailed.  I thought the weight of conversion rested upon the shoulders of the young servants of The Lord and that as a member of the church my responsibility was to just be a good example of the believers.  As I began to study Preach My Gospel and trained to become a missionary, I learned that members of the church are vital for successful missionary endeavors. The work is being hastened. The Lord is upping the speed of the treadmill whether you're in shape or not; are you going to pick up the pace and help Him or are you going to fly off and run into a wall? While you ponder that and inevitably conjure up a hilarious mental image, enjoy one of my favorite quotes about missionary work from Elder Bednar, "We properly pray for the safety and success of the full-time missionaries throughout the world. And a common element in many of our prayers is a request that the missionaries will be led to individuals and families who are prepared to receive the message of the Restoration. But ultimately it is my responsibility and your responsibility to find people for the missionaries to teach. Missionaries are full-time teachers; you and I are full-time finders. And you and I as lifelong missionaries should not be praying for the full-time missionaries to do our work!" Wow! Missionaries are full time teachers, not full time door knockers and street roamers? Yes. Yes. Yes. An apostle of The Lord has made it clear that members are the cornerstone of successful missionary work. Now that that has been put out there, I want to outline six ways that I believe everyone can become better member missionaries.

6. Don't Leave Church out of Your Weekend Water Cooler Conversations

"Hey Bob, what did you do over the weekend?"-Jim the Catholic

"Oh ya know. Family stuff. The lawn. Manly things. Painting dressers for the wife. Eating Steak. Hunting deer. What about you?"-Bob the shy Mormon

"The same. Except I'm more of a pheasant guy."-Jim the Catholic

"Cool."-Bob the shy Mormon

That was awful. Bob spent three hours of his weekend attending church services and didn't mention it! Not to mention the fact that Bob probably also went to the temple, cleaned the church, helped with a youth activity, served at the Bishop's Storehouse, had the missionaries over for dinner, or did something else on Friday or Saturday that involved his faith.  How can we open ourselves up for missionary opportunities if we won't even pluck the low hanging fruit? I know that I used to always omit church from my weekend synopsis and it was such a foolish habit I had.  Repentance is real though, and Bob rectified his actions the next time Jim asked about his weekend.

"Hey Bob, what did you do over the weekend?"-Jim the Catholic

"I went to my in-laws' cabin on Friday and Saturday, but we came back Sunday morning so we could make it to church."-Bob the ENTHUSIASTIC Mormon

"I didn't know you were a church goer, Bob. Which church do you attend?"-Jim the Catholic

"I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, commonly known as the Mormon Church. We meet on Celestial Boulevard and Truth Street. Do you go to church, Jim?"-Bob the BRAVE Mormon

"I hit up mass when it is convenient, but I have been thinking about maybe going to church more often now that my wife is pregnant."-Jim the Catholic

"If you ever want to try something new, we would love to have your family in our congregation. You can even come over for lunch after church. My wife can cook some of the deer I slayed last weekend."-Bob the FISHER OF MEN (and slayer of deer) Mormon

Conversations like this can happen all of the time if we allow them to take place. As members of the church we are always doing something that can be traced back to our faith; Mormonism isn't a religion, it's a lifestyle. Talk about family home evening, mutual, scripture study, and ward activities. Normal people in other religions spend time with their families, send their kids to youth groups, glance at the Bible, and have congregational activities. We aren't that weird, so stop letting that get in your way.

5. Use Social Media to Your Advantage  

If you have a Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or another social media application on your computer or phone you should use it to express who you are; a son or daughter of Heavenly Father. Simple posts can plant a seed that may eventually grow. Did you have the missionaries over for dinner? Take a picture and put it on Facebook with a caption that says, "Our family hosted the local LDS missionaries for dinner this evening. They're such fun young men with good morals.  I'm glad we were able to serve others in such a fun way, even if they did eat us out of house and home!" Did you have a prayer answered lately? Tweet about it, "Heavenly Father helped me find my missing left Michael Kors wedge! #answeredprayers". Your posts don't have to be abrasive, confrontational, or lengthy. In fact, they should be none of those things! If you can post a 78234th rant about gun legislation or another picture of your baby kind of crawling but not really, then you can post an uplifting quote from General Conference.

4. Get to Know Your Neighbors

Do you set a land speed record every night as you step out of your car and bolt into your house so you don't have to be social with anyone? Do you think your neighbors may have three kids, but possibly four because you're still not sure if the glimpses you've seen through the fence are of a dog or an infant? Rectify that! People love meat. Invite your neighbors over for a BBQ and don't even mention the gospel.  Just get to know them; once you've fed them a few times and formed a relationship they will notice the Spirit in your countenance and in your home and will have questions.

3. Invite People to Church When It Is Easy

Are you giving a talk in sacrament meeting? Are six of your kids singing in the primary choir on Sunday? Do you have a son or daughter giving a mission farewell talk? Are you giving the lesson in High Priest Group? When you are doing any of these things, you have a valid reason to invite others to come and watch you. You would never hesitate to invite people to your son's soccer game, your daughter's choir concert, or your Pampered Chef party, why hesitate to invite them to church when you are "performing"?

2. Listen to The Spirit

It's so easy to listen to the quiet words of the Holy Ghost when we agree with what He is telling us.  It is completely different when He asks us to step outside of our comfort zone. I promise you that He is giving you missionary opportunities daily, you just aren't always taking them.  Sometimes it doesn't make sense to talk to your co-worker about The Living Christ, to invite your high school best friend to your child's baptism, or to strike up a conversation with the stranger in front of you at the movie theater, but through small and simple things are great things brought to pass.

1. Remember That No Isn't the End of the World

If you've tried some of the above listed things or other techniques to share the gospel but haven't had success, then don't let that discourage you.  Jesus definitely didn't let others stop Him from doing His thing, and as members of the church we have covenanted to take upon ourselves His name.  With His name upon our hearts we can act as He did, teach as He did, touch hearts as He did, and be the messenger of good tidings and peace that He was and still is. We often focus on the power of the atonement as a saving and soothing grace, but it does other things too.  The atonement can enable us to become better people and to do that which is frightening to us. You have a pearl of great price to share with as many as will accept it. Why hide it because of fear, apathy, or shyness? Pray for help and Heavenly Father and Christ will help you, even if that means he has to start from the very beginning by planting the desire in your heart to share the truth of the restored gospel.

My Interview with Ellen Degeneres: Prophets

Having been raised in the LDS faith I have encountered many of the same questions over the years.  How many moms do you have?  Where is your horse and buggy? Do you know you're going to hell?  So you worship Joseph Smith, right?  Why are you so weird?  These are just a few of my favorite gems.  I've decided to dedicate one post a month to answering a frequently asked question.  Here's the thing though, FAQ lists are for college admissions websites and door to door vacuum sales pamphlets.  I figured a (fake) interview with Ellen Degeneres would get my point across and be a little less like reading a manual on how to put together your IKEA nightstand.  Ellen, if you read this and ever want to do a real interview, I would love to grace your program with my presence (and give every member in the audience a free Book of Mormon! I'd even throw in a red marking pencil #bigspender).

Ellen:  I hope you are all excited for today's program; it is going to be one to remember.  We have a very special guest that I can't wait for you to meet.  It's Channing Tatum!  But before we get to the dessert of this program we have to eat our less delicious vegetables.  We are going to have a recurring guest at the end of every month who will come and answer a question about the Mormon faith.  Please welcome Sister Poppe, a full time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints--otherwise known as the broccoli of today's broadcast.

(mild awkward clapping; a few hisses; a few boos; a cat's meow; one exuberant cheer--from my mother)

Sister P:  Thank you for having me on today, Ellen.  It's a pleasure.

Ellen:  It's nice to have you.  Today I would like to focus on one question that many people have about Mormonism.  What is this business about prophets on the Earth today?

Sister P:  I'm glad you asked that Ellen.  The belief that there is a prophet on the earth today is a unique message that only the LDS faith offers.  A prophet is someone that acts as the mouthpiece of God on earth. Think of the prophets in the Bible; Abraham, Moses, Jeremiah, etc.  They were all individuals called of God to teach people and guide them.  That is what the current prophet, Thomas S. Monson, does.  He is called of God to lead humanity.  We believe that President Monson has the power to receive revelation from God to help people on their journey to return to Heavenly Father.  The prophet doesn't rule our lives.  He gives us guidelines that will lead to a happy lifestyle that is in accordance with God's plan.  Picture this: Dumbledore and Elsa have a baby that has all of their greatest qualities AND the ability to communicate with Heavenly Father and that is a prophet.  Someone kind, wise, humble, and a little baller.

Ellen:  Don't you think it's a little crazy to believe that there is a man on earth today that communicates with God directly?  I mean, even Dory is skeptical of this principle and she's a dingy true blue.

Sister P:  If you truly believe that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever then it isn't that outlandish to believe that there is a prophet on earth today.  Christians across the planet believe that there were prophets during the Biblical era. If Moses could lead the Israelites across the Red Sea, then why can't a man today lead me through the treacherous times we live in? Why wouldn't there be a prophet today?  Heavenly Father loves all of his children equally.  He wouldn't provide a leader for his sons and daughters millennia ago and not do it today. There have been periods of time without prophets on the earth, but that's a discussion for a different day.  I believe that Thomas S. Monson has been called of God to direct people today and that after he dies another man will be called of God to direct in his stead.  I can't make you believe it, but I can promise that if you learn more, read the Book of Mormon, and pray to know if there is a prophet today that you will receive a personalized answer from Heavenly Father.  That is how prayer works.

Ellen:  Thank you, Sister P.  We definitely have a lot to think about after your visit.  I am looking forward to your April visit where you will talk some more with us about the intricacies of the Mormon religion.  Alright. We are going to have a quick break before a big dish of Channing Tatum dessert!

6 Things You Should Do Before Assuming Mormons are Crazy

A few months before I left on my mission there was an internet phenomena that blasted the nation. I prefer to call this craze the "Infinite Number of Highly One Sided Things You Should Do Before You Hit a Certain Age" lists.  Bloggers from across the nation responded to one another about the most important things people should do in their 20's.  A firestorm of disrespect mounted on Facebook news feeds from Baltimore to Berlin as individuals argued for responsibility or frivolity during one's early adulthood.  In the short 6 weeks I've been out on a mission I have decided that a blog post needs to be dedicated to the 6

 Things You Should Do Before Assuming Mormons are Crazy:

6.  Get to know a Mormon in your community.  

If you don't know much about Mormonism chances are your perception of an average Mormon is skewed.  I imagine a creature that is 1 part Mitt Romney, 2 parts quiet Mennonite kid (for some reason people think we're the same), and 1 part Donny and Marie Osmond sprinkled with a few sister wives is what springs to mind when you think of a Mormon (or a citizen of Utah).  While entertaining, that simply isn't what most Mormons are made of.  There are approximately 6 million members of the Mormon faith in the United States. Though most of them live West of the Rocky's, chances are if you look hard enough you can find one in your community.  They most likely have a front yard, a small SUV or minivan, hobbies, a grill, and some children; just like you.  

5.  Learn the real name of their church.

Mormon is actually just a nickname that members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) have been given.  Often individuals of the LDS faith will call themselves Mormons because it is more recognizable, but at the end of the day the most politically correct term for these individuals is Latter-day Saint.  When you take the time to recognize that the name of the religion actually bares the name of Christ and not Mormon, it is easy to see that Jesus Christ is at the center of everything we do.

4.  Learn more from a reliable internet source.

Check out www.mormon.org.  It's run by the LDS church and has a lot of valuable information. You can see member profiles (like mine) and chat with missionaries in Salt Lake City.

3.  Meet with some missionaries.

Maybe this point is a little selfish.  As a current full time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I am eager for people to teach.  I want to answer people's questions and I know that any other good missionary will want to do the same.  We're not out to baptize you. We're out to teach you of the truth of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.  Would you ask Miley Cyrus to help you with your biology homework?  No.  Then don't ask your Baptist minister to tell you about my faith.  

2.  Attend a church meeting.

Latter-day Saints respect Sunday as the Sabbath day and worship in congregations across the globe. Every chapel has a three hour block of meetings that includes a sacrament meeting (akin to mass), Sunday school, and another gospel related class geared toward specific age and gender demographics.  I hate to disappoint right off the bat, but there will be no sacrificial goat killings, awkward chanting, or Kool-Aid.  Find out where your closest meeting house and meeting time is here.

1.  Read the Book of Mormon

Beneath the title of every Book of Mormon is listed the sentence, "Another testament of Jesus Christ".  Many people don't know anything about the Book of Mormon, let alone that it is literally another book to testify of the divinity of Jesus Christ.  It is a companion to the Bible, not a replacement.  No one threw a fit when J.K. Rowling decided to write Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, because Harry Potter is awesome and everyone wanted another book that testified of his awesomeness.  The same is true for the Book of Mormon.  Why wouldn't you want another book that proclaims the gospel of Jesus Christ?

I know that I often rely on wit and humor in life, but I can be serious as well.  I know that the Book of Mormon isn't a book that some mere man wrote.  It was written by prophets in ancient times for our day.  Though the messages are old, they are universal and apply to each and every person that has been, will be, or currently is on earth.  Jesus Christ is our savior and the Book of Mormon testifies of that on almost every page.  The message of the Book of Mormon is centered on Jesus Christ and is of great value and importance.  It will enable you to improve the quality of your life and will help you face the problems and challenges that we all face.  We all have agency in life and no one can make someone read the Book of Mormon, but I can promise you that if you sincerely read with a desire to learn more, you will find happiness.  So stop googling Mormonism, watching HBO shows about polygamous families, and singing songs from a blasphemous Broadway show about my faith, and find out about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints the right way.