Satan's Wardrobe

When I was young, either a small tornado or some hefty straight-line winds did a number on our small Iowan home. Being as we had to replace our entire garage and the roof of our home, my mom figured we should just remodel other parts of 309 9th St. while we were at it. My dad went on to spend what felt like the rest of my childhood staining, sanding, and varnishing trim and doors as he rid our home of the awful 1970's woodwork. During this process our kitchen was completely redone. My mom decided that she only wanted off white appliances and wouldn't compromise on anything. In the early 2000's off white appliances were more difficult to come by than they are now. As a result, my brothers and I were subject to more trips to Lowe's, Sears, and other home improvement stores than any child under the age of accountability should have to endure. From this experience I learned a few good lessons--most of which revolve around proper wood staining techniques--one in particular though is that off white is definitely different than white.

These memories resurfaced last week as I was pondering Satan's position as the opposite to our right side shoulder angel. At first I was just inwardly laughing as I could hear my father saying, "no rest for the wicked," as he spent his Saturday renovating our home. This then lead to a thought I'd never had before. In sketches that play on the shoulder angel bit Satan is always dressed in red with accentual horns. For many people that are striving to live moral lives, Satan isn't actually dressed in red. He rarely has success persuading upstanding individuals to be blatantly disobedient. His specialty, at least in my life, is in clothing himself in off white robes that nearly mimic the lily white ones of our Savior. Just as I couldn't tell the difference between a white KitchenAid Mixer and an almond colored one without intense examination when I was eight, many people aren't quick to realize that Satan is persuading them to make decisions that are only slightly off color.

I have heard the phrase, "Satan will tell nine truths just to slip in one lie," multiple times. It is one of the truest statements of the adversary I've ever heard. A modern example can be found in the debate over the Word of Wisdom. People on my mission always point out that studies show that a glass of red wine a day helps with heart health. They'll bring up the calming effect it has on them after a busy day. Next they point out the fact that wine is mentioned in the Bible. Some will occasionally mention that in moderation alcohol doesn't have a negative affect on your mental faculties. On and on true statements are mentioned. I won't dispute scientific findings, personal preferences, or even the Bible. But those truths don't make up for the fact that God himself declared alcohol impermissible through a modern day prophet. Every mother has said, "two wrongs don't make a right." Two scientific facts don't make a right either. Satan is crafty. He will hide red wine in a cloudy white glass to cover the wrong that it ultimately is.

In 1999, while my dad was probably putting on his second of three coats of varnish to wood trimming, Richard C. Edgley shared the following in a General Conference address, "Satan is known as the great deceiver. His religion, his philosophy, and his work is based on deception and lies. His objective is to thwart the work of the Lord by misleading us and eventually making us 'miserable like unto himself' (2 Nephi 2:27)." Satan is a master at misleading us into seemingly safe and deceptively desirable paths. He won't always show up in a party bus ready to jettison you into sin; he will often creep in and slowly persuade you to draw closer to him step by step. Don't let him deceive you into believing off white is just white that hasn't seen bleach in awhile. But if he has, it isn't too late to let the atonement of Jesus Christ turn your scarlet (or even off white) robes white as snow (see Isaiah 1:18).

6 Things Sister Smith Has Taught Me About Marriage

Two events have coincided recently to inspire this blog post. The first of which was the United States Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage. The second is taking place tomorrow when my current companion, Sister Smith, and I are being separated after 12 weeks with one another. I'm not going to tackle the religious issues surrounding same-sex attraction and marriage (you can find the official church stance here), but I do want to talk about marriage in general because it is the single most important covenant we can make with our Heavenly Father while we are here on Earth. As is obvious to those who know me, I am not, nor have I ever been married. I am definitely not an expert on relationships, but living with someone for 24 hours a day for the past 17 months has definitely opened my eyes to the realities of what married life very well might be like. Daily I have learned things as a missionary that I will apply in married life that will hopefully lead to a successful and happy relationship. As a tribute to Sister Smith and our impending breakup, I want to discuss the six most important things I've learned from our companionship about successful relationships.

6: Laughter is vital
Missionary work is really hard. People stand you up all the time, others are rude at times, and a large percentage of individuals think you're young, innocent, and uneducated. If you add in the fact that you're always tired and and your hair never looks as good as it did pre-mission you can see how real the struggle is. As hard as missionary work is, I've been told more times than I can count that marriage and family life is harder. No matter what point you are at in life, there will be hardships and trials. Things outside of your control will always drive you crazy and often your plan will be kicked to the curb. It would be really easy to have a bad attitude about mortal life (and some people do), but it is unnecessary. I've thoroughly enjoyed every day of my mission because I've decided to. What has made it even easier though is having someone to laugh with. Sister Smith and I laugh ALL THE TIME. If we are in the car between appointments we are laughing. If we were just rejected at a door we wait until we are out of ear shot and then we are laughing. If we have the flu the day before my 24th birthday and are miserable, we are laughing. I've learned that I have to be with someone for eternity that can laugh off the bad with me because the bad will become more prevalent if we embrace it and don't fight against it.

This was us for approximately 24 hours on the eve of my 24th birthday. Through the misery, we had many a tender memory made.

5: Know what matters and what doesn't
As a child we are always told that we're like snowflakes and no two of us are alike. Blah blah blah. Well, it's true. Even though Sister Smith and I are largely the same person (as manifest by our identical interests, Spotify playlists, and love of hipster-esque items) we have differences. I'll never forget the first time we taught the Restoration lesson together and she explained the Great Apostasy differently than I do. It really caught me off guard. I had had so many young companions until that point that every one I had been with just emulated me in their teaching style. For the first time in a very long time I was with someone that taught completely differently than I did. It didn't matter though because the message was still delivered and the person heard what they needed to hear. It would be so easy to nitpick each other and point out flaws all day long. But if it doesn't affect her salvation or missionary work, then it doesn't need to be addressed. A spouse or children will never be perfect. Change yourself before you seek to change others. You can always develop more charity, patience, and love.

4: Always communicate your feelings
People can't read minds. It just isn't a thing. Yet. Science. Talk about what makes you happy, sad, frustrated, angry, confused, etc. People need to know where you're at if you want to work together to achieve happiness. People also like to hear when they're doing well. Let them know when you love them. I really struggled with this before my mission. I considered it a talent for a long time that I could hide anything. I hate emotions and feelings. They make me so uncomfortable. But if a relationship is going to be effective, you have to be an open book. I've never communicated so many emotions in my life until I became a missionary. It's always been helpful though. Never do it in a negative or a demanding way. Just let people know what you're thinking or feeling.

Look how happy we are. After this event we communicated that to one another!

3: Embrace the oddities
Everyone has quirks. Even people who you think are normal have them. Apparently I scrunch my nose a lot. Sister Smith shrieks and talks in a weird low voice a lot. Just love people for who they are.

Another quirk of mine: I love taking pictures in the most random settings. She embraced it and humored me more times than I can count.

2. Marry a best friend, not just a person you love
Love is a powerful thing, but it can't compensate for a lack of friendship. Nothing is sadder to me than married people who spend a majority of their free time without their spouse. The last three months have flown by because the Lord blessed me with a best friend companion. It is true that you can be happy with anyone if you choose to be, but why not be happy with your favorite person?

1: Anything is surmountable through Christ
At the end of the day everything is possible through Jesus Christ. Sister Smith's unwavering faith has reminded me that even through the toughest of trials He is the one that will lift you up. Center your life in Christ and find someone who will do the same and you'll always be taken care of.

Catwashed: Tales of a Brainwashed Mormon

Cats only have a few purposes in life as far as I am concerned. They were created for Youtube videos, internet memes, and to add humor to paper goods, such as: wrapping paper, gift cards, and disposable plates. My mom has a strong distaste for felines that was pounded into my head from infancy. Comments like, "there's opposition in all things. Dogs are good; cats are bad," and, "cats are not allowed in my home because they are gross," were common brainwashing statements strewn throughout my youth. Her hisses against cats worked though--all three of us Poppe children hate cats and I don't think any of us have a single credible reason to. Brainwashing your children is a real thing, and I am the product of it.

Here are some cats, fulfilling their real purpose in life.

My father did the same thing with Ford vehicles. We all knew from the youngest age that dad would only purchase a Ford, and if we wanted something different at the age of 16 his compromise would be a Huffy 10 speed. To this day I cringe when I have to drive something that isn't a descendant of Henry's original assembly line. Again, I have no reason to dislike any vehicle without a blue oval on the grill; I just have been conditioned to hold Ford automobiles above the rest.

As has been made clear, I am the victim of parental brainwashing. I am all too familiar with the confusion of having an opinion and no evidence to back it up. I hate cats. I love Fords. And I'm a Mormon. One of those statements is not like the others though, and it is the last one. I'm a Mormon, and I wasn't tricked into this religion by my scheming parents. Let's examine a few differences between my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and my opinions about cats and Fords.

Reasons I Hate Cats:
1. My mom told me to and after years of that mantra I gave up and got on board.
2....?
3. They leave hair on my legs when they touch me and I do not like that.

Reasons I Love Fords:
1. My dad told me to, and after years of that mantra I turned 16 and wanted independence in the form of four wheels so I complied with his guidelines.
2. They look nice...

Reasons I am a Mormon:
1. First and foremost, I do have to acknowledge that I was raised in this religion, so that does play a role in my beliefs.

2. Matthew 7:16 states, "Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?" What are the fruits of the LDS church and the commandments and beliefs we follow? Do good things come of our faith or bad?  A turning point in my reasons for attending church happened when I was a teenager. I never had friends who were members of the church when I was growing up because Latter-day Saints are a rare breed in the Midwest. I loved my friends, but I had different standards. I found myself in an uncomfortable situation at the age of 16 that painfully showed the gap between our values. I was in a hotel room with some friends who were all underage drinking and I couldn't walk away for the first time in my life. I was in another state and couldn't go home without leaving three other people stranded in Nebraska. I was frustrated, and for the first time I recognized the blessings of being obedient even when it was hard. I spent the whole night alone in my own corner of the hotel room, abstaining from the alcohol I was being pressured into drinking. I recognized in that moment that I was grateful for the way that I was raised and for the expectations and standards my parents held me to. The trial of my faith proved to me that standing up to my friends and not compromising on my beliefs made me happier. The fruits of obedience were evident and continued to be throughout my high school career. The fruits of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, as restored through Joseph Smith, are everywhere. People frequently tell me that Mormons are happy. Mormons serve their community. Mormons seem put together. It isn't a coincidence. Those strawberries and bananas were enough to convince me that the church taught correct doctrine and was worth living true to. For me, the fruits of the gospel were the biggest indicators of the truthfulness of the church as I was developing a testimony that stood apart from my parents'.

3. At the end of the day my parents' nurturing and the good things I feel at church aren't enough to keep me here. I feel a lot of good things when I'm perusing the shoe aisles of Nordstrom Rack, but I would never worship there. Our Father in Heaven has promised us many things. One of those things is that if we read the Book of Mormon and pray about its truthfulness, we will get an answer. I don't go to church because I love the culture or because I don't want to disappoint my parents by being absent. I follow the commandments and live true to the covenants I have made with my Heavenly Father because something older than any of us stirs within me when I am living the gospel. I know the Book of Mormon is true. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet. I know that Jesus Christ is the savior of the world. He died for all of us and lives again for us too. I know these things because I studied and prayed and worked and expected an answer. I did something that anyone else is entitled to do. I continue to do these things because faith needs nurturing. I talk to the father of my spirit daily and the impossible to replicate peace I feel tells me it is true.  I invite you to pray. Pray about anything and see what happens as you develop that relationship with God. As you get more comfortable praying, start to ask questions and examine how you feel. Answer come to those who are humble enough to receive them.

I don't know why I hate cats. I don't know why I love Fords. But I do know why I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And it definitely isn't because I was brainwashed.

Harry Potter. Faith to Move Mountains. C4. Dynamite. Jesus Christ. Salem Witch Trials.

When I was in my senior year of high school I realized I had been raised to believe many things that I actually wasn't sure I believed. As I studied political socialization in my AP Government class I began to realize that I had been heavily socialized to think a certain way. Did I really believe I was a child of God, or had I sung the lyrics so many times that I thought they rang true? Was my family actually going to be together forever, or was I swayed to believe the irresistible notion because it was a catchy sentence repeated again and again in LDS culture? There was a list of questions that I slowly pondered and prayed about over the next year or so that I gained my own testimony of. Even after I built a testimony out of the timbers of basic principles, I found myself going back often and adding a reinforcing log here or an extra nail there.  As I progressed through my college career my testimony solidified and began to be as strong as I had always wished it was. The most well tended to plank of my testimony over the years has been faith in Jesus Christ.

I have long hated the phrase, "the faith to move mountains" and it took me quite awhile to figure out why. A few years ago as I overheard a conversation between a group of naive girls discussing the probability of them getting married I realized that too often people use the phrase flippantly and incorrectly. Faith has always been fused with the Lord's will and action in my mind. Those gospel triplets all have to be present if anything miraculous is going to occur through the hands of man. When I heard people say things such as, "If you have the faith to move mountains, anything is possible. You will definitely be accepted into grad school. Just fast and pray!" I always wanted to interject, "You know, and maybe you could like actually try in class and study for the GRE and ask Heavenly Father if he even wants you to go to grad school. I don't know. Maybe? It could help? Maybe find a job that will contribute to your application and future career desires too or something. Hmm? Yeah?" I politely vocalized something similar to this once and a few of the conversation participants looked at me as if my happy meal sized portion of faith would clearly be my downfall. Oh the joys of a freshman ward at BYU. I envision that the Salem Witch Trials actually started in a manner similar to this. Some poor girl probably tried to give practical advice that harmoniously synthesized gospel principles with real life application and then she was accused of being a witch because people who think that faith is a noun instead of a verb didn't like the idea that faith would never give them a magic wand. So in a twist of unrealized irony, they accused her of being the wand holder. Faith, unfortunately, will never make us Harry Potter. If anyone would know that, it would be me. I've tried.

Hagrid will never greet me with the phrase, "You're a witch, Amanda!" Though it is heartbreaking, faith doesn't work that way.

We can only move mountains if two other things happen; first and foremost, it has to be the Lord's will for us to displace the geologic monument. Moroni touches on this when he says, "And Christ had said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me." (Moroni 7:33). If this scripture was a scientific formula, there would be no result without expedience. Faith wouldn't be enough for a reaction to occur. Faith+expedience=power.

Second, we have to be willing to move each and every single rock fragment from its current location to its new one with our own efforts. Something amazing happens when we start to act out of faith instead of wish out of faith. There's a pretty low success rate for hoping a mountain into moving. If we start to chip away at it instantly and have faith that Christ will help us though, then we will start to see miraculous things. We may be blessed with a few sticks of dynamite, a wheel barrow, and work gloves at first. As we continue to show faith, we could be handed truck loads of C4, a semi for loading and hauling away rock, and a skid loader to pick up and transport buckets of marble and shale from the mountain to the semi. We will probably be blessed with health to complete our task, extra stamina and strength to endure, and good weather too. When we've reached a point where we can't go any further, then we may be blessed with an earthquake that will completely level the portion of the mountain we have yet moved.

Faith in Jesus Christ can move a mountain, but only if the Lord and creator of this Earth wants it moved, and if we're willing to be the movers.

Unloading Heavenly Father's Dishwasher

**This post was copied from my pre-mission blog. The original publish date was July 7, 2013

When I was in high school I was a rather social being.  It wasn't uncommon for me to get home from school, work, or an extra-curricular activity and grab something to eat quick before I ran out the door again to do something with my friends.  Often I would mention to one of my parents my plans as I was exiting the house.  Most of the time they told me to have fun and reminded me to wake them up if I got home after they went to bed.  Sometimes though, my brisk bee line to the door was halted with phrases such as, "You can't leave until you empty the dishwasher," or, "Put your laundry away before you go to the basketball game."

I realized today that I do the same thing with my prayers.  I often hastily tell Heavenly Father what my plan is as I'm about to do it and most of the time He agrees with me and tells me to wake him up when I get home. Sometimes though he stops me on my way out the door and a course correction is required.  This has only happened to me a few times in life and it has resulted in very minor changes to my plan.  Well a little over a week ago I was stopped and asked to make a large course correction.  I have had an emotionally taxing summer as I've tried to figure a lot of things out.  I decided to avoid making decisions by drowning out my thoughts with 60 hour work weeks.  I didn't have time to think until I went to California on vacation and life slowed down considerably.  I found myself contemplating life in odd places, such as on a ride at Disneyland and in the backseat of my friend's car as we drove along the Pacific Coast Highway.  It was terribly inconvenient.  Finally toward the end of my trip I was clearly instructed to metaphorically "unload the dishwasher" before I continued on with life as I had planned.

If you're forced to contemplate life, I guess this stretch of American highway is the best place to do it.

At first I was really upset.  Sobs accompanied my explanations as I hid out in the hotel hallway and called my mom to update her on my life plan.  I was looking forward to taking one year to finish up my college education instead of one semester so that I would have time for an extremely high amount of fun.  After graduation I had even contemplated staying in Provo.  My friends are all here, I enjoy the independence that results from living 1,300 miles from my parents, and I've come to enjoy being here.  I was running full speed toward the door, ready to exit and have a fun time and was halted in my tracks.  I spent the next 4-5 days in an odd emotional/moody/generally selfish state in which I had to actively put on a happy face when I was around people so they would think I was normal.  The last few days of my pity party occurred when I was back in Provo.  After a friend gave me a blessing I realized it was time to embrace Heavenly Father's plan even though it will require a lot of sacrifice.  I'm terrified.

Today though, while I was sitting in church I had an epiphany.  When my parents asked me to complete a chore before I left the house in high school they weren't trying to keep me from what I had planned.  They just expected something from me before I set out to do what would bring me joy.  Never did I ever believe that my parents didn't want me to experience joy in high school.  Often I would do what I had been asked to do and then continue to do what I wanted.  I satisfied my parent's desires and my own even though I had originally only made time for myself.  My experiences weren't diminished in the slightest.  The same is true in this situation.  I foolishly believed that Heavenly Father had completely disregarded my wishes by instructing me to drastically change my plan.  I believed that I was being asked to sacrifice many opportunities that would never be provided to me again.  I've been asked by Heavenly Father to do something I never imagined I would do.  It throws a wrench in the next 2 years of my life, but in the eternal scheme of things it's only a small chore he requires of me before I can continue my flee out the door to the bright future I have planned.  My life isn't necessarily going off the plan I created, instead an extra loop has been added to my track that still leads to the same goals, dreams, and aspirations I had originally set out to accomplish.  Like in high school, I will enjoy my plans more knowing that I unloaded Heavenly Father's dishwasher before I left the house to see a movie with my friends.

5 Star Stable

Sharing a Christmas blog post has been on my agenda since Black Friday, but for the majority of the month I couldn't think of anything unique to write. I knew that the birth of the Savior in and of itself was fit to print, but I also wanted to share a message that wouldn't be lost in the monotony of ritualistic Christian gratitude. The commercialization of Christmas is overdone, as is a narrative of Christ's birth (Luke beat us all to the punch with that one). To be honest, I don't have any moving Christmas tales from my own life, so I am settling for a post about something I learned from my personal study of the Savior's life this year that I could apply to my own circumstances.

I have lost track of the number of times things haven't gone as I planned and in turn lead to much better results. I have gone through my own personal version of the pride cycle many a time.The Poppe Pride Perennial has been known to go through the following steps:

1. I create a meticulous plan that generally spans from the moment I pen it until approximately the end of eternity. 

2. Shortly thereafter, something doesn't go as I said it should.

3. I get frustrated and begin to believe that nothing will ever go right.

4. I pray and have a one sided rant session with Heavenly Father.

5. I feel guilty and repent for my lack of faith and slightly angry mental tone in step 4's prayer.

6. I decide to live life and see what happens now that things are going Heavenly Father's way and not my own.

7. I always come to find that Heavenly Father's plan allowed for my wishes as well as His.

8.1. I feel more guilt because I realize that I am happier than I would have been if my life followed my plan...

8.2...so I repent some more and add in a lengthy gratitude list.

9. I rededicate myself to trusting Heavenly Father and promise that I will never doubt His hand in my life again.

10. Repeat steps 1-9.

The largest examples of this have been when I moved to Minnesota in high school, went to BYU, and came on a mission. All were things I didn't want to do at the outset and turned out to be the biggest blessings in my life. As I have been serving a mission I have made it a goal to leave the field with 100% faith in Heavenly Father's plan for me. I have worked very hard to cut out steps 2-8.1 of the PPP and instead focus immediately on being grateful for the path my life has taken. A part of this growth cycle has included looking for the hand of Heavenly Father in other people's lives in the scriptures. This lead me to a unique observation while viewing a Nativity film this year.

As I watched Joseph lead a swollen and fatigued Mary through the crowded street of Bethlehem I started to day dream because the story was so familiar. Luckily I snapped back to attention as Joseph knocked on the door of an inn and was immediately shown the crowd of people and told that there was no room. For the first time in my life I found myself thinking that it was a blessing that they weren't admitted into an inn. I'm sure that delivering a child in a stable was not in Mary's birth plan, but it sure beat delivering the son of God in a rambunctious and over occupied hotel. How often do we think of the humble circumstances of the Lord's birth without associating it with the blessing it turned out to be for Mary and Joseph? They were able to privately absorb all that was happening to them. It isn't mentioned in scripture, but I imagine Mary's heart brimming with gratitude that her plan was exchanged for something better. No awkward onlookers, no Roman tax collectors, no nosy women trying to give unnecessary advice. Nothing. Nothing but two new parents, a host of angels, a handful of quiet livestock, and the spirit. It wasn't ideal, but it was exactly what the young couple needed to peacefully start their lives as the earthly caregivers of the first gift to humankind. It wasn't the Marriott, but Mary did deliver the Prince of Peace in a 5 star stable and that quiet delivery has given all of us the opportunity to return to our own 5 star mansions above.

Merry Christmas all! If you haven't already, explore this great Christmas website. 

The Leap from Laman to Nephi

A brief introduction of the Book of Mormon will be necessary for this post to make sense.

In 600 B.C. a prophet and his family left Jerusalem and set out for the American continents. As is usually the case, Heavenly Father saw fit to try the family during their already stressful jump from one hemisphere to another. As such, they spent eight years being lead through the wilderness before they set sail for a land of promise and opportunity. This prophet had a quiver full of children, but we are only going to focus on three of them; Nephi, Laman, and Lemuel. Nephi was, and continues to be, the poster child for exact obedience and faith. Laman and Lemuel were just punks. Whenever the Lord asked the boys to do something, Nephi willingly obliged and Laman and Lemuel muttered, cursed, and published angsty tweets and insta posts. 

_______________________________________________________________________

Children who grow up in the LDS faith are told to be like Nephi more times than anyone else, save Jesus himself. Every parent wants a Nephi, every child thinks they already are a Nephi, and every girl wants to marry a Nephi. One of the most quoted (and sung) scriptures in all of Mormondom accurately encapsulates Nephi's perfection, "And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commanded them." (1st Nephi 3:7).

As I have studied the Book of Mormon throughout my life I have always aligned myself with Nephi. I obey the commandments and I have an affinity for strappy sandals. I had a thought while studying one day on my mission though; Laman and Lemuel follow most of the commandments and adore strappy sandals too. The real thing that sets Nephi apart from them is his attitude. My mind continued to ponder the significant differences between the brothers and I slowly started to realize that I should have been aligning myself more closely with Laman or Lemuel. Laman and Lemuel went back with Nephi to Jerusalem to retrieve the brass plates and lady friends.  They also wandered in the wilderness and embarked on the transoceanic journey to a new land. On their chore chart, they had a sticker for completing all of the same tasks that Nephi did.

   

I mean, my pedicure is nicer than his, but we both have a sandal fetish.

Not a lot of insight is given as to why Laman and Lemuel were generally obedient. They clearly never wanted to do what was asked of them, but frequently they did it anyway. Perhaps fear motivated them (they were visited by a threatening angel after all), boredom, or even a very small desire to actually do what is right (though this is unlikely). Perhaps a part of them hoped that if they would obey they would actually get what they wanted (as has been my motivation far too often in life). Selfishness likely lined their motives and weaved itself between the mumbles, groans, and foot stomping. In this respect, aren't we all a little like Laman and Lemuel? How many times have sighs and grumbles been the precursor to a visiting teaching appointment? How often do we accept callings because we feel like we can't say no? Do we give fast and tithing offerings out of obligation or devotion? I know I've been guilty of going through the motions in the hopes that blessings would greet me on the other side. I am Laman on occasions and Lemuel on others. I whine, ignore, and doubt.

Perhaps the most recent example of my Lamanitis was when I hesitantly entered the MTC.  It is no mystery for those who know me (or those that read this previous post) that a mission was never in my life plan. Even after I entered the MTC I spent sleepless nights contemplating if I really wanted to follow through with the 18 month decision I had just made. There were things I genuinely enjoyed about my mission, but really I kind of just wanted to be back in Provo in the comfortable environment I spent nine semesters creating. With doubt overshadowing my small pinprick of desire, I continued to do what I knew I needed to do and attempted to fan the delicate flame of devotion alight in my heart.  It wasn't until I had been out a little over a month that I actually wanted to be on a mission. I started the transition from Laman to Nephi at this point. It took a lot of study and prayer to actually develop a relationship with Jesus Christ that enabled me to want to serve him. I didn't realize how selfish I was until I came on a mission.  It had always been easy to follow the commandments and promptings of the Lord because his will didn't vary from mine. In my first real attempt to put the Lord's will before my own I was failing miserably. Did I truly love him? I think that I did, but I was experiencing the pains of outgrowing my childlike reverence for his name and actually getting to know the brother I had never spent much time with.

Sister Laman Poppe. January 29, 2014; her first day in the MTC

At times the cavity seems wider than it is. It takes a mighty leap to get from a Laman-like attitude to one like Nephi's, but it isn't impossible.  Essentially we just have to develop a relationship with Christ that leads to enough love that we follow his example because we want to, not because we feel like we have to.  Perhaps following Nephi's example is a stepping stone on our journey to becoming more like Jesus Christ.